More about mee...

When i was about 4 years oldd.. My parents and I had to go back to Indonesia for a whilee.. Iw as still a lidool girl which means i didnt really know what was going on.. my sister had no choice but to stay here with my aunty and my cousin.. I guess it was pretty hard for her to start High School without her parentss.. anywayss... I have alot of cousins back in Indonesia but it was hard for me I stayed in Indonesia for 2 years.. I had no choice.. I hated schooling there... it was horriblee.. i was about 5 and was forced to school there and it was hard for me.. the culture, weather, language, people and everything was different from Sydney.. I hated itt.. I wanted to come back to Sydney! But i just couldnt.. It was quite hard for me to speak the language although i knew the basics but stillit was hard.. Altough I came first in the class for English lol..No suprise there.. I didnt really fit itt there.. the people were just a little weird.. I was forced to and i just hated it.. A year and a half went past.. I started to get used to it.. Although i remembered I used to hate Thursdays.. I used to do dance for sport.. I hatee dancing i reckoned it was retarted.. lol.. I was a tomboy when i was a little girll.. even in pre-school i played with the boys and hated barbie altough as i grew older i started liking itt.. anyways.. Another month or so went past.. FINALLY! Good news.. Mum told me were finally going back to Sydney! I was a little cut because I started to like Indonesia and started to understand everything and I wasnt really excited going back to Sydney.. Yet again I had to leave my friends..

=[ that was pretty sad for mee.. Mum said I'll make new friends.. But still i'll miss all my memories there and what i learnt and experienced.. I arrived in Sydney... weather was complete different again.. Indonesia was pretty hot and when i arrived in Sydney it was freezing cold.. i was wearing a holter neck shorts and thongs..

I had to go back to school again.. I wasn't that eager to go to school or anything.. I had to make new friends and it was hard yet again.. I kinda forgot how to speak English and [LOL] i used sign languages at timee..

2-3 Years past..

I became popular with many sweet multicultural friends =]..

I was really close to the boyss.. I crushed on a guy =D [funny times]..

I was school councillor in year 5 and school leader in yea 6...

I recieved the Ron Hoenig Award.. [ Mayor ]

It was greatt... Many experiencess..

Sometimes.. You can't trust anybody but Jesus Christ...

Well, Last year I experienced the most painful experience yet..
Love.. What is the true meaning of this feeling named Love??
Last year.. I liked this boy.. My mother told me to keep away but i couldn't keep my feelings away.. I couldnt maintain the feeling.. I just really liked him.. I thought he was a great caring person.. But i guess i thought wrong.. My friends told me to keep away but I didn't and yet again i got hurt at the end.. because of one friend.. i thought she was my friend but all she was a backstabbing S***.. I hated her.. I thought she was nice but she wasn't she took him away from me and he turned out to like her.. She took away my friends and everything that i could possible have.. She did everything she could do to get attention.. I gave up.. I couldn't take her no more I just gave up.. I thought he was different but his just like the other ones.. She told lies about she and him doing things..
There was only about 2 friends that were loyal and understanding.. They went up to him and comfronted him.. Because no one agreed on him and her together.. They seperated and then he wanted me back.. Stupid me took him back and yet again i got hurt.. He fell for my friend.. I thought she was one of my best friends but she just turned out to be a backstabbing S***... She was always with him and everything, I hated her with jealousy and envy.. Till now my so called "best friend" is still in my class and she keeps hurting and hurting me by saying that she guy I really liked, liked her and all these things.. She hurt me big time..
The end of school came.. I had to go to High School and well I was scared and at the Year 6 Farewell I found out she [the one who took him away from me first ] kissed him she kissed him.. and nobody told me until Christmas when he told me at his Christmas Party.. I stood there in hatered..
I can't believe people these days.. I just can't trust anyone.. I can't even rely on my family but there is only one person I can trust, Jesus Christ.. My family and I are quite religious.. Which I think is great.. I go to Youth Group every Sunday but lately I haven't been going because of my cousin.. Shes always busy on Sundays shes got dancing on Sundays which is hard for me to go church because my parents won't let me go to the city and go Youth Group there so I have to go Sunday School.. In the church of my parents... I quite liked Sunday School... The kids there are pretty nice but of course I was the oldest... My sister is a Sunday School teacher and she quite likes it.. I love kids.. I find them very cute and enjoying..
When theres no one to turn to I sometimes turn to Jesus Christ.. My mum says I'm a very closed up person and likes to be by herself and do her own things.. But I don't really open to my family not liked my sister does.. But I don't care.. I like to be the way I am..

Don't Change for a person or anyone.. Be yourself.. and turn to Jesus..

She doesn't fit in..

Well, About me is I don't fit in my BIG family.. I have a heap of cousins..
I have one sister.. everyone seems to like her..
But my cousins are just weird.. They don't like me..
They pick on me and tease me about all these different things.
I used to cry because of what all the things they used to say.. They used to always hurt my feelings.. thats why im not a really open person but my sister.. shes smart, polite and everything but im not like her...
Everything I wear, say, think they all have to comment..
Sometimes when i wear what I like to wear they say " Oh, look she's trying to look older and look like her sister blah blah" and so on..
Then when i wear a t-shirt and some short they say i look like a little girl..
its like NOTHING is good enough is it? I feel like i was the only one getting teased and all that stuff.. i felt so lonely and shamed out..
When I try to make a joke they think its stupid and laugh and tease like im 2 years old and have no clue what they are saying what so ever.
Im not stupid and my feelings get crushed everytime i see them.. I tell my mum and she says they joke.. But to me it hurts. Hurts
badly.. I know my parents and sister care about me... but sometimes i just dont feel it..
But at school [im not trying to sound stuck up] I was popular thats why i liked school even though i wasnt that smart. I used to like this boy.. [ I'll talk about that in another blog entry]...

Back to my story..
Right now im on holidays but i have to say these are the most boringest holidays i've ever had.. stayed home at times i go out with friends but thats about it.. Last year i got an award, the Mayor award which was a pretty great thing.. i was a school leader.. though i told my family and they hardly cared.. my cousins either laugh their heads off or just ignore me..

I used to have x-ma [ rash thing ]... and we went out for dinner and some of my cousins were there.. I sat there in pain and trying to hold my tears... One of my cousins sayed " Oh, no wonder you have rashes its cause you dont shower and your unhygeinic..". Tears fell from my eyes and I wear wanted to slap her in the face i felt my face burning red.. i looked her in the eye i was gonna say something to back fire but i wasnt that kind of person.. I wanted to back fire so bad and I knew what i was going to say was gonna hurt big time.. but i just didnt...
i ran to the adult table as i heard them laugh behind me..
I cant describe how i felt.. just hurt... I didnt really fit in at all... :(