She doesn't fit in..

Well, About me is I don't fit in my BIG family.. I have a heap of cousins..
I have one sister.. everyone seems to like her..
But my cousins are just weird.. They don't like me..
They pick on me and tease me about all these different things.
I used to cry because of what all the things they used to say.. They used to always hurt my feelings.. thats why im not a really open person but my sister.. shes smart, polite and everything but im not like her...
Everything I wear, say, think they all have to comment..
Sometimes when i wear what I like to wear they say " Oh, look she's trying to look older and look like her sister blah blah" and so on..
Then when i wear a t-shirt and some short they say i look like a little girl..
its like NOTHING is good enough is it? I feel like i was the only one getting teased and all that stuff.. i felt so lonely and shamed out..
When I try to make a joke they think its stupid and laugh and tease like im 2 years old and have no clue what they are saying what so ever.
Im not stupid and my feelings get crushed everytime i see them.. I tell my mum and she says they joke.. But to me it hurts. Hurts
badly.. I know my parents and sister care about me... but sometimes i just dont feel it..
But at school [im not trying to sound stuck up] I was popular thats why i liked school even though i wasnt that smart. I used to like this boy.. [ I'll talk about that in another blog entry]...

Back to my story..
Right now im on holidays but i have to say these are the most boringest holidays i've ever had.. stayed home at times i go out with friends but thats about it.. Last year i got an award, the Mayor award which was a pretty great thing.. i was a school leader.. though i told my family and they hardly cared.. my cousins either laugh their heads off or just ignore me..

I used to have x-ma [ rash thing ]... and we went out for dinner and some of my cousins were there.. I sat there in pain and trying to hold my tears... One of my cousins sayed " Oh, no wonder you have rashes its cause you dont shower and your unhygeinic..". Tears fell from my eyes and I wear wanted to slap her in the face i felt my face burning red.. i looked her in the eye i was gonna say something to back fire but i wasnt that kind of person.. I wanted to back fire so bad and I knew what i was going to say was gonna hurt big time.. but i just didnt...
i ran to the adult table as i heard them laugh behind me..
I cant describe how i felt.. just hurt... I didnt really fit in at all... :(